14

January 1, 2017

It’s a new year. Hopefully, better than the last. To 2017.

 

January 3, 2017

I promised my parents that I will get into a college by the end of this semester. I told them that they can trust me. I told them not to worry.

 

March 31, 2017

It’s pretty ironic that one of the last waves of decision dates is on the day before April Fool’s. I expect the colleges to email me the next day and say “April Fool’s! You were actually admitted into our school!” Well, I have my last two college decisions coming out later today. I’ve been rejected from twelve other schools. Don’t know if I should be hopeful or expect the expected.

 

April 1, 2017

Turns out it wasn’t a joke. Great start to my spring break.

 

April 30, 2017

It’s my mom’s birthday. I wish I can go up to her and hug her. I wish I could promise her that I will make everything okay. I wish I can tell her how sorry I am. But I can’t. 

 

May 2017

It’s been a tough month. I had to continuously explain to people that I’m taking a gap year. Worst part is it’s not because I want to; I have no other choice. Sigh. Four classmates and I were given the opportunity to give speeches at the Middle School Banquet. We had to introduce ourselves and mention what college we were going to… yeah. The Senior Class President, not attending college. What a role model. During Senior Banquets for different clubs and classes, they showed senior slides. I felt guilty when people applauded for mine – it was blank. They had nothing to applaud for.

On the bright side, I graduated from high school.

 

June 2017

“Don’t worry Dongju, everything will work out. You’re more than capable. I believe in you!”

No. I’m not. You shouldn’t.

 

July 2017

I have reached my breaking point. I feel worthless. 

 

September 5, 2017

I woke up to the news of DACA being cancelled. I went to sleep listening to the roaring thoughts in my head.

 

September 17, 2017

My friends left for college. I’m not used to this silence. It feels foreign, yet so welcoming.

 

October 1, 2017

I have been working for about a month now; I think it is safe to assume that I have a job with the most interesting and genuine boss on Earth. I have told him about my situation, and he told me that a person like me can achieve anything. He believes in me.

 

October 14, 2017

It’s funny how friendships work. Three of my friends, Alicia, Maria, and Sarah are miles away from me, yet I have gotten so much closer to them. They text me nearly everyday to make sure I am doing alright. To keep me company. To let me know that I matter.

 

October 28, 2017

I had the opportunity to create a real brotherhood with Marcelo and Zac. They have made every week an opportunity to explore the unknown. They have helped me find a purpose.

 

November 19, 2017

My dad and I just left from Charlotte, South Carolina. Please let me have this. I need this more than I need anything else right now. Please.

 

November 20, 2017

Ryan came down from Baltimore to surprise his friends and family for Thanksgiving Break. We met up, and I updated him on my life. He told me that everything will work out and that he has always believed in me.

Yes. I have faith that it will this time.

 

November 28, 2017

“Hello? Yes, is this Dongju Son? I’m speaking on behalf of Golden Doors. Congrats! You are a Golden Door Scholar.”

 

December 18, 2017

“Hey Josh? I got accepted into my first college.”

 

December 31, 2017

I’m proud of you.

 

January 1, 2018

It’s a new year. Hopefully, better than the last. To 2018.

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At the time of this writing, it is February 14, 2018. It’s Valentine’s Day. I am single, nearly twenty years old, and still not in college. But you know what? That’s okay. Everyone lives in their own time zone, and we should never feel obliged to adjust to another person’s time zone. We live our own life at our own pace. Life is not about the finish line; it’s about the race. Every obstacle we encounter on the road is a story to tell, a story that will come to define a part of ourselves.

To everyone who has supported me and believed in me and has stuck by my side this past year – thank you. Words cannot describe how grateful I am. I am the luckiest person in the world to have the supporting cast of family and friends that I have now. Thank you so much.

To 2018.